At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
