you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
