my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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