got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
