New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
