sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
