I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is wine microwaveable?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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