She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
