somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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