Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
