hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
