Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
