Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
