yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize