Yo dont text me then not text me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
