it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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