I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
