Yo dont text me then not text me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
