Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
