Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
