But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
