i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
