Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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