Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
