just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
