You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
