I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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