just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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