and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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