dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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