remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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