You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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