Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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