I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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