grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Farmville is her only friend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
