No more Irish car bombs ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
