I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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