found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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