i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
