You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
