The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
