Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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