It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Me. At least after what I've been through.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
