IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
