I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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