Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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