My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
