You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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