This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
