It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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