Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
