so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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