He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
