I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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