The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I die, sorry about rent.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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