So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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