I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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